18. IMH – the reality

The Institute of Mental Health has an unsavoury reputation, with many Singaporeans remembering Woodbridge and how it operated purely as an asylum. However, with great improvements in education and medical care in Singapore, IMH has become a very solid bastion of mental health education and care in Singapore.

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Interlude – The letter to my wife

(This letter is reproduced here and edited lightly, with the permission of my beloved wife.)

Dear love,

Couldn’t sleep, because guess what – the words are back! True, it’s the middle of the night, but the good thing about being in a 24/7 ward is that there’s always someone around. And since it’s a psych ward, the excuse that I can’t sleep till I write is…. real.Read More »

20. The struggle continues

Ever since I’ve released the blog on Facebook, I’ve received a ton of support and encouragement. I am very thankful for this, as I did fear that depression would be something hard to understand. I want to reply with a few messages, and an update of where I’m at right now. It’s now been about 3 weeks since I got discharged – please excuse the post date as I have to adjust the dates to make the chapters work properly.

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21. Crash.

17 Sept 2017

It had been a glorious day, a day of fun and joy, I’d started the day by waking up early to send my elder boy to school for his extra class, and headed home for a nap in between. I was still tired, but we decided to try spending the rest of the day at Sentosa. We ended up taking cable car rides (my in-laws had gotten the boys a membership), and traipsing through Fort Siloso, learning more about the history of Singapore in World War II. On the way home, I told my elder boy that we probably would have to cut down on our spending drastically soon, and just to enjoy any memberships we had for now.

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22. 1 step forward, 3 steps back, and some misconceptions

21 Sep 2017

This entry is meant to record my progress, as well as handle some questions or misconceptions that I have heard over the last week or so.

I have seen my doctor for my first review. There were some issues with my leave which have been sorted out, thank God, and my dosage of medication has been increased. The effects will take a couple of weeks to show completely, so we are still monitoring my progress.

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23. State of depression

28 Sep 2017

My doctor’s review was brought forward by my case manager at the behest of a mutual friend, and by the agreement of my wife and myself, to Monday 25 Sep. I needed more help. Dr Tay was very kind, explaining my condition better, and scheduling me for psychotherapy, as well as adding on a different medication. I was reluctant at first, but his manner and explanation convinced me to agree.

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24. A slim hope

30 Sep 2017

I just realised that in my down state, I forgot to update on the blog that I’d met my boss and my senior near my office earlier in the week. Again, they were really kind, and have reiterated their focus that I get well first. They have left the decision to me as to whether I should quit or take no pay leave instead, and in the words of my boss, it isn’t fair to ask me to make a decision when I’m still unstable.

I’m thankful, but as before, I struggle because I don’t feel worthy of the kindness.

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25. Heart and Soul

3 Oct 2017

Sunday was the first of October, and yesterday was the second. Innocuous dates to everyone, and the words “Time passes so fast!” and “It’s October already?!” keep being repeated by almost everyone I’ve met.

Time has no meaning for me. Day by day, I awake, and wonder why.

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